Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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