sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
