I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
