turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
