Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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