From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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