so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
