one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
