Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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