Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
