so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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