i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
