plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
