You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
