I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
