i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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