I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need water and some morals
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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