you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
