She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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