before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
