Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
