all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this hospital has no fireball
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The Olympian is in my bed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize