she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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