i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
