when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
