Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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