whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
