It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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