the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have aggressive nipples.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
