so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
