we have officially lost it.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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