What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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