Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
