the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
