I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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