I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
