I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
