Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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