She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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