billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
