Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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