OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
