you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we're so committed to being not committed
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