Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I want a musical about memes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
