By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
