whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
