her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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