Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
