College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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