:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
