I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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