The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
