im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
