break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
