if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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