we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
