this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
