I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize