It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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