why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
