He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
