dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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