if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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